Well, I got my results on monday (19/01), it shows that liver function, some enzymes are abit high and some abit low, which is not supposed to be the case for my age. And the doctor told me that my cholestrol is high and I have irregular heartbeats. The doctor said that for my liver, I can choose to go to a hospital to do a ERCP, some invasive scope test to see my liver. And as for my heart issue, it could be likely be hereditary. I declined medication for my heart as it would not be good for my liver anyway, and the doctor agreed with me. After being advised on what my diet should be. I left the place.

As much as when I left the place knowing that God will be in control of the situation I am in, I am still somewhat feeling heavy-hearted.

Many have advised me (from the secular world) that since that my medical condition is something that is NOT within my control, I shouldn't be so bothered or even be bothered by it! I should put in my best in my work and prove to people that I am capable of more things!

I won't blame them for saying that to me lah. I know that they are just trying to make me feel better, but the truth is this, I didn't.

My thoughts were these - They could say such "Feng Liang Hua" or loosely translate as "cliche" because it didn't happened to them or least they think it would never happen to them, they DO NOT know what it means to be in MY condition, though they claim they know."

Question is this, HOW CAN THEY KNOW when they were NEVER in MY SHOES! I was with my mother when she was first diagnosed with pancreas cancer, the numerous checkups, radiotherapies, chemotherapies, MORE medications and eventually to her passing. I was with my father when he was struck with heart attack and bypass operations, then heart attack again and then angioplasty and a few mild heart attacks and finally a heart failure which led to his passing. All these moments I was there, witnessing every seconds of their pains and anguish. And now me, with the likelihood of getting anyone or both of the diseases.

Sometimes I really wonder if these people really understand the feelings that I am experiencing. I have a few things to be really bothered about like my family? yes I should be responsible enough to be bothered about work too...I guess in the recent months, I have been really bothered about my health and family that I have one way not putting in too much efforts in my work. But sometimes reflecting on it, by putting more efforts in my work, will I be appreciated or taken advantage? Will I be once again be misunderstood as pushy, aggressive, unreasonable etc, just like in the beginning of my tenure in Sing Poly, being commented as handling students like Policeman or belittle them. sigh~!

But in away, I appreciate their concerns in a way...thank you people.

Well, whatever it may be, I have decided this. I will surrender all (which means ALL) to God and let Him take care of everything, my health, my family, my ministry work and my work. I will glorify His Name through my work. My work will be my marketplace ministry to worship Him!

So God, help me, be with me.


Tjowster Out~!

Well, I got my results on monday (19/01), it shows that liver function, some enzymes are abit high and some abit low, which is not supposed to be the case for my age. And the doctor told me that my cholestrol is high and I have irregular heartbeats. The doctor said that for my liver, I can choose to go to a hospital to do a ERCP, some invasive scope test to see my liver. And as for my heart issue, it could be likely be hereditary. I declined medication for my heart as it would not be good for my liver anyway, and the doctor agreed with me. After being advised on what my diet should be. I left the place.

As much as when I left the place knowing that God will be in control of the situation I am in, I am still somewhat feeling heavy-hearted.

Many have advised me (from the secular world) that since that my medical condition is something that is NOT within my control, I shouldn't be so bothered or even be bothered by it! I should put in my best in my work and prove to people that I am capable of more things!

I won't blame them for saying that to me lah. I know that they are just trying to make me feel better, but the truth is this, I didn't.

My thoughts were these - They could say such "Feng Liang Hua" or loosely translate as "cliche" because it didn't happened to them or least they think it would never happen to them, they DO NOT know what it means to be in MY condition, though they claim they know."

Question is this, HOW CAN THEY KNOW when they were NEVER in MY SHOES! I was with my mother when she was first diagnosed with pancreas cancer, the numerous checkups, radiotherapies, chemotherapies, MORE medications and eventually to her passing. I was with my father when he was struck with heart attack and bypass operations, then heart attack again and then angioplasty and a few mild heart attacks and finally a heart failure which led to his passing. All these moments I was there, witnessing every seconds of their pains and anguish. And now me, with the likelihood of getting anyone or both of the diseases.

Sometimes I really wonder if these people really understand the feelings that I am experiencing. I have a few things to be really bothered about like my family? yes I should be responsible enough to be bothered about work too...I guess in the recent months, I have been really bothered about my health and family that I have one way not putting in too much efforts in my work. But sometimes reflecting on it, by putting more efforts in my work, will I be appreciated or taken advantage? Will I be once again be misunderstood as pushy, aggressive, unreasonable etc, just like in the beginning of my tenure in Sing Poly, being commented as handling students like Policeman or belittle them. sigh~!

But in away, I appreciate their concerns in a way...thank you people.

Well, whatever it may be, I have decided this. I will surrender all (which means ALL) to God and let Him take care of everything, my health, my family, my ministry work and my work. I will glorify His Name through my work. My work will be my marketplace ministry to worship Him!

So God, help me, be with me.


Tjowster Out~!